So. Here I am at Washington State University. I arrived only two days ago and I’m already realizing that my life is extremely insane. 

Now to the outside eye my life may not seem very crazy. But I can feel it. Deep inside me like a wave crashing onto the sand. 

First off, I am extremely homesick. Every morning I wake up with this terrible sense of dread because I know I’m no longer in my home. With my family. In the Tri. 

Yesterday I had a major panic attack. No bueno. I couldn’t breathe and when I called my dad I was crying so hard that I couldn’t speak. Cute. I know. Thank God for my saving grace father. 

I just miss home. I miss all of the things that will never be again,And it makes me sad. 

But. I have no choice in the matter of growing up so I might as well have fun with it and be fucking bad ass at it as well. 




25 days until I leave for school.

The past two years I have been in my

comfort zone
in my box
in my little bubble

And I’m terrified of leaving it.

Now get me wrong. I’m ecstatic to be going to school and meeting new people.

But it’s so completely different than what I’ve become accustomed to.

25 days until

I’m at school.
I’m my dorm.
With my new roommate.

I cannot wait.

I love adventure and I guess that’s exactly how I need to look at this.

Here we go.



From a Thursday to a Sunday a few weekends a year I drive to a church.

Spend the night in the church.
Make food.
Eat food.
Sing a little.
Pray a lot.
Laugh even more.

And strengthen my relationship with God.

These weekends are called Journey weekends. The organization is called Journey with Christ and we spend these weekends celebrating and sharing the love we have for Jesus.

This past weekend I was on one of these Journeys.

Usually being a happy go lucky person I was unprepared for the effects of this weekend.

My heart was heavy and my mind was messed.

As I traveled through the four days I realized I couldn’t feel God.

I couldn’t pray.
I couldn’t be joyous in my singing.
I was feeling nothing.

And it was heartbreaking.

I had many breakdowns.
Many tears.

But at the end of those four days I was prayed with and my heart was restored.

I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who love me and care about my heart.

God is good.


i woman. you man.

I think as straight


we need to be aware of who we fall for.


There are so many quotes out there on social media expressing love and emotion and I think we get so caught up
in our feelings that we forget that there are two people to this whole relationship thing.

And the man, the receiver of your affection may not always be feeling the same way. Or may not be able to express it in the exact way you’re wanting.

We get sucked into this ridiculous sense of expression that we often forget that men are completely different creatures than us.

They can’t always describe what they’re feeling.

More often than not I see girls get


when their men aren’t expressing the same way we are.

Here is something I full heartedly and truly believe.

Expect little to nothing from your man.

By that I mean

Expect him to make you happy.
Expect him to treat you with respect.
Expect him to accept you the way you are.

But do not expect him to

Write you poetry.
Cry with you when you watch a rom-com.
Cuddle all night without a little kissing or bum action.

Love him for all that he is.

Just please remember that

I am the woman

He is the man

for a reason.


happy fifth of july

July is an interesting month. It starts off strong with Independence Day.

Day drinking.

It’s a grand day for all Americans.

But as the fourth comes to a close we are left with the rest of July. One of the hottest months of the year here in good ol’ Washington State.

Don’t get me wrong there is plenty to do.

Floating the river.
Paddle boarding.

But still, people bitch about the heat like it’s going somewhere.

Yesterday though was lovely. The weather was perfection as we headed up into the mountains for family time.

We drank.
We ate.
We were merry.

It the perfect Fourth of July.



It’s not usually a topic that is

Talked about.
Cheered about.
Screamed from the top of rooftops about.

People generally stay hush hush about the whole sex thing.

Sadly for my parents, they had me.

I’ve never been one for hush hush.
I don’t like secrecy.
I like things in the open.

So when I decided to have sex with my long time boyfriend, my 16 year old brain thought it best to tell them about it.

Before it actually happened.

Worlds weirdest daughter.
Right here.

They took it pretty well considering…

Three years later and I had decided to have sex again.
And I told them.

At least this time I waited until after the deed was done.

Worlds weirdest daughter take two.

I don’t think sex is something that should be taken lightly.

I also believe that sex is something that should be talked about in households.

No child should ever be ashamed to talk to their parents about sex.

Do not be ashamed of sex!

Be safe.
Be smart.
Be happy.



it’s time

I’ve started a countdown of the days left before I leave for school. It’s not only because I’m excited for school.

Which I am.

It’s because I’m no longer excited to live with my family.

They make me feel like I’m in high school again. Saying things like:

They don’t understand me.
They don’t know me.
I’m sick of being who they want me to be.
I’m sick of pretending.

And though those might be high school’s exactly how I’m feeling.

They really don’t understand me.
They really don’t know me.
I really am sick of pretending to be who they want me to be.
I’m so sick of pretending.

I do love them.

And I do want them to be proud of me. But what’s the point of them loving me and being proud of me if I’m someone I’m not.

It’s time to be me.

I hope they’re all prepared.


be single

In my first post I wrote about how I was having sex with a man who was not my boyfriend.

It’s over.
And I’m not sad.
Not really.

I was raised in church and abstinence has always been pushed. Hard.

But I’ve always wanted to have sex again.


And that’s exactly what this was. It made me happy and reminded me that sex can be good. Great even.

And if sex was good with someone who barely cared about me; I can only imagine how amazing it will be with someone who loves me.

For now I’m single.
Waiting but not looking.